MY Sandcastle.

I was lying in bed awake last night just thinking of my walk with GOD. There's one thing that I realized and it's that I haven't completely given up on MY sandcastle. Here's the story.

I built my sandcastle on the beach, pretty smartly I must say. It's not that far from the sea but I still get a nice breeze in. My sandcastle isn't that beautiful and it serves me well. I know that it's not the best I can have, but the world tells me that it's okay to be content with what you have. These are the morals I've been taught, you see. Thing is, once in a while, my walls would break and this water would flood the moats and sometimes wash a bit away of my sandcastle. I can't prevent it 'cause the moon controls the tide and brings it in. Every single time the water strikes, I have to rebuild and every single I rebuild, the walls get weaker and weaker and weaker...

I look up the hill a bit and I see this wonderful sandcastle! It's beautiful, perfect and the dream of any boy in the world. One day, the maker of the sandcastle invites me to join him and be a part of his sandcastle. Like forts, sandcastles are pretty important things and the bigger your team, the better the sandcastle. The only catch to this is that I have to give up my sandcastle and leave it alone. I have to give it up eventually but whether or not I want to destroy and leave it all behind is the only option. Even though my sandcastle wasn't the worst sandcastle ever and it looked better than everyone else's, I chose to give it up for so much more in the sandcastle up the hill. This sandcastle is permanent and built on rock. It doesn't wash away. Thing is, I still look out onto the beach where my sandcastle used to be and I reminisce about the old times and, once in a while, I would go back just to sit where the foundation used to lie...

Now, in this short story, my sandcastle is my life, the sandcastle above is the life I have in Christ and the water is the life this world has to offer. I've given my life to GOD but I know that there's still a bit of ME in the relationship and the equation. I'm having difficulties letting go of what I want and doing what HE wants.

Father, I pray that may your will be done but I'm struggling to really do your will and to listen to your voice so that I may act on it. I think I know what I want but I really don't. You want the best for me and in your strength, power and love you would never lead me down the wrong path. It's so hard to do what you want sometimes and I struggle so much to the point where I fail. I'm like a dog, repeating wrongdoings over and over again. That's just not how my life was meant to be in you. To fully give my all and to not look back at the things of this world because I'm running and sprinting towards you, Father, is what I should be living for. LORD, help me and move for I'm not going anywhere. I don't want this open/shut door relationship anymore. I want you to tell me directly and Father, I will listen. MAKE me listen no matter how painful that may be and MAKE me do your will. Not mine but YOURS. Surely the hands that held Jesus' hands on the cross could hold my hands to your will, to do YOUR will. Father, help me.

Easter!

"He is not here; He has risen, just as He said. Come and see the place where He lay."
-Matthew 28:6

Easter just comes and goes, doesn't it? It's one amazing four day weekend filled with celebrations as many choose to get baptised and proclaim their faith to the world! It's honestly so beautiful and such a joyous time of year!

But the beauty of it all lies in the SELF resurrection of Jesus Christ our LORD. He's the reason why we have this weekend and He's the reason why we celebrate! In Matthew, a few of Jesus' friends (Mary x2 and Martha) decide to go and visit His tomb to mourn and to maybe clean up a bit. When they arrive, they find an empty grave and AN ANGEL! Obviously, they are shocked and even more so when the angel talks to them. Matthew 28:6 is what the angel tells them after the initial shock.

It's very important that Jesus predicted His own death AND His own resurrection. Before His death, He raised His friend Lazarus from the dead along with a couple others. Being alive and raising others from the dead is a pretty amazing feat that no one else has managed to accomplish within the last 2000 years. BUT an even more amazing miracle is raising yourself from the dead, something only GOD could possibly accomplish. I was thinking over the resurrection and its effects on the disciples during service on Sunday. If Jesus had told them that he would come back from the dead, how come they were so shocked and didn't believe Him? Then, I wondered if I would be amongst the people who really wondered if He really was the Son of GOD. He did perform miracles, live a righteous and holy life and was in direct connection with GOD. I think I would truly still have doubts in my head as it's scientifically impossible to come back to life after dying. It's incredulous even after seeing all the miracles and still not be able to get over the fact that He had risen from the dead.

When the angel invites the women to see the place where the LORD lay, he invited them to see where He had conquered death and sin for all eternity! Just as the angel invited the women to see and accept this gift, GOD invites us daily to eat of His bread and to spend time with Him! Where death was conquered, sin was vanquished and overcome! Praise the LORD and come to see the place where the LORD LAY!

Amen.

Good Friday Reflection

As Good Friday draws nearer and nearer, I'm trying to constantly remind myself of the sacrifice our LORD Jesus made. I mean, I tried lent and all, but I'm a failure at that and though it's brought me closer to GOD in that I have more time to praise/worship/devo, it's the things that come up that constantly remind me how much pain and suffering He went through out of love. It most definitely was not an easy path to the cross and I feel the pain whenever I think of it.

One thing that struck me was that Jesus triumphantly rode into Jerusalem on a donkey and a week later He was condemned as a criminal and forced to walk to His death as one. It took less than a week for the Jews to change their minds and how long does it take us to make that one decision to say no to prayer or not to devos? Or how often do we ignore GOD's pleas with us to turn around and refocus on Him when we lose our focus? That's what contributed to the stripes He bore and the lashes He took on His body. The walk was not easy and the taunting was not easy, He was hated, despised and spat upon.

Often I ask myself HOW COULD THESE JEWS CRUCIFY SOMEONE WHO SHOWED SIGNS AND MIRACLES AND WAS SO OBVIOUSLY THE MESSIAH? Like as Jesus said in the Bible, I see the splinter in their eyes and not the log in my eye. Whenever I get angry, whenever I talk without thinking, whenever I put someone down, whenever I take glory for myself or whenever I think of thoughts that don't glorify the LORD, I condemn Him OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I WHIP HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN. But Father, I know you love me and I know you love me so much! I can never repay you for your sacrifice! As Good Friday nears, I have one of my favourite verses to share.

⁴ Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
⁶ We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

It's because of His death that we now live.

Your Word

"Is not my word like fire," declares the LORD, "and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?"

-Jeremiah 23:29

I've walked away for a couple of days and I really haven't had my fill of GOD's word and I've abandoned it in search of what I want and something else to fill me up. I'm sorry, GOD. I'm sorry I'm such a failure and I thank you for convicting me and telling me that I'm wrong. I need you so much, Father and I can't live a day without you. It's just not possible. You just love me so much and life is so empty and meaningless without you. Even though the sun could be smiling and the shining, the earth is not bright at all and days just pass by meaninglessly.

Your word resounds within me and moves me. It's like a FIRE as Jeremiah the prophet says and it just smashes my heart into pieces. It just tells me to break free from what the world has to offer. It just destroys all competition and it burns and resonates its message within me. GOD you are holy and great and mighty! The moon and the stars declare who you are, O Father! If my heart isn't broken into pieces, you can't use it. It's just that simple. I have to be broken and not to want what I want but you want you and you alone. No one else can fill me up like you do, there's no friendship that can fill me up nor any of the entertainment the world has to offer.

As I sit here with tears in my eyes in desperation, Father you just lift me up and Father I just want to praise you for Father I know you have saved me and you have already forgiven me! This fire that burns is the want for you, that want for discovery of you! GOD, you just keep on molding me and purifying me to make me a better version; to make me more like Christ. I thank you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Treasures.

These past couple of days, I've been feeling kinda disconnected. Disconnected from GOD. Yeah, I'm still doing my devos, praying hard and worshiping but I don't feel GOD's presence as strongly as I felt Him at TC. I know He's always there are I know that He'll be there for me, but I just don't see Him as clearly anymore. It's the TC high, I know it. BUT this high was legitimate. I miss that close walk with GOD, but now I've realized that it's a good thing that I'm feeling kinda down and disconnected.

The following is from Matthew 13:44 -45

⁴⁴ “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.

⁴⁵ “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. ⁴⁶ When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.

I know how it feels and what it's like to draw so near to GOD when He speaks through you. Therefore, I will rejoice and celebrate! I need to give everything up and buy this 'field'. I want that close walk with GOD every day of my life and I won't rest until I find it.

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I don't know what GOD's doing in my life, but I trust Him. What more can I ask for than an omnipotent GOD who is love? I know He has his timing and if things are His will, they'll work out. I shouldn't even make plans, y'know? Just let go and let Him do great things. He'll put me where I'm needed and HE'LL put people around me as He feels justified. I can't see ahead 'cause I'm not tall enough but I know that GOD will take care of me 'cause He's so big and can see ABOVE the fog and the storm.

LOVE

Nothing can ever separate us from GOD's love and His love stretches as far as the earth to the heavens. How great is this love? Unmeasurable. Incomprehensible. Vast. Awe-inducing. Indescribable.

I don't understand how GOD could ever possibly love someone like me. I'm so insignificant and so flawed. BUT HE LOVES ME. To a human, loving something that doesn't even exist is such a strange notion. Do you love your future other half? No, 'cause you don't know them. You WILL love them, but right now, you don't. GOD has an unfair advantage in that He exists at every single moment, but He loved you before you were born and He will love you on your deathbed.

GOD's love is agape love. He willing sacrificed His son on the cross. It was an offering to atone for our sins; sins committed and yet to be committed. In the Bible, GOD's love is so great for us that He loves us like a father. Now compare that to sending his SON, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross. He LOVES LIKE A FATHER, and had to SACRIFICE HIS SON. That's how much He loves us. It's not about feeling that GOD loves you, it's about KNOWING that GOD loves you and showing it to the world.

My heart breaks for people who aren't loved. Whenever I reflect on my short life, there are always those people that I know remember that I didn't show GOD's love to. Imagine what life would be like if I did. How would these people be right now? I make it a point to not regret anything that I've done/not done, so I'm going to make change in my life. I'm going to love ALL. I feel the call to love the less fortunate. Those who are poor, dirty, despised and, ultimately, the fatherless. As a father's love is so great, how horrible would it be to not have a father's love? This just rips my heart out; it's so painful. GOD calls you to feed the hungry and to give them food. I feel the call to keep these people in my prayer 'cause I just feel that it's such a deep hurt that can't be healed by people, but BY GOD.

I've personally experience GOD's love and it's just the greatest thing. It's love unfailing and BIG LOVE. To know that someone who is omnipotent and who loves you is just so reassuring. Obviously He's going to have plans to prosper you and not to harm you. It's 'cause He LOVES you. I know I've said GOD loves you too many times, but I do it 'cause it's true and because there's no other way to express that phrase. It's not a feeling that He has for you, it's Himself - it's that sacrifice!

Y'know why this is all possible? 'Cause GOD is LOVE. His very nature is to love. He CAN'T NOT love. The time old question of whether or not GOD can create a boulder so large that He himself cannot move it should be replaced with whether or not GOD can not love. The answer is no, but only sin can get in the way of it.

GOD is LOVE.

TC2011

GOD IS LOVE.

What can I say? GOD moves and He will NEVER, EVER leave us alone.

Heading into TC, I was extremely anxious 'cause I didn't know what GOD had in store and, if you know me well, I really like to be in control. But memorizing Bible verses worked out for me 'cause I remembered to not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to GOD. I was legitimately scared 'cause I was worried about whether the Holy Spirit would move and whether or not I would 'feel GOD'. I learned so much 'bout this 'cause I learned that we're not 'feeling' GOD but we're KNOWING THAT GOD IS WITH US. I can tell you that I didn't feel GOD at all when I was speaking, but I knew that it was Him speaking through me and not me at all.

The first couple of days were tasking both psychologically, emotionally and physically. GOD allowed satan to try our team and to create divide between us. But through this process, we learned to grow stronger together and to rely more on GOD to help us. I know that there were a lot of frustrations and things to be upset about but the thing that struck me the most was LOVE and PRAYER. We helped out with the kitchen and I learned to really appreciate what goes on behind the scenes of TC. The ladies and gentlemen were all really friendly and MAYBE EVEN MORE PASSIONATE FOR GOD THAN WE WERE. They showed GOD's love by making food and for really caring about what the quality of the food was. The whole kitchen staffing experience showed me how to be humble and how to serve GOD with a smile even when nobody is looking. If I hadn't been chosen by GOD to do SRTC, I wouldn't have done kitchen staffing first, would've probably been cocky and did TC for myself and GOD probably would've seen the pride and would've chosen to speak through someone else. GOD, I thank you for putting me on SRWT. Going back to prayer, I know that we should be praying as much as possible, but prayer doesn't always take the form of kneeling and bowing our heads. I learned to give EVERYTHING up to GOD and to not shy away from Him when we sin. I had a lot of frustrations but I learned to love people even when they were being difficult.

When it came to worshiping on stage and leading worship in front of a couple hundred people, it was a real breathtaking experience. I have to admit that my nerves were calm the first day and I really experience GOD moving in people. My worship, ie singing and guitaring, were most definitely not perfect but I knew that it was not about me. GOD looks at the heart but humans look at the appearance. I almost got discouraged when I saw that the audience was kind of unresponsive during the first worship session, but I could tell GOD showing me that He had greater things in store. AND THAT HE DID! During the evening session, GOD moved. GOD moved SO HARD! GOD told a story of LOVE and He moved the hearts of the people inside the sanctuary. I don't know how it happened, but the songs aligned with the media message AND the speakers message. GOD spoke through me and it was the most amazing experience EVER. Before I signed up for TCWT, I actually had a vision of my talking in front of TC and of having GOD moving people through me. I just remember the Holy Spirit moving and the altar call being responded to, PRAISE THE LORD! I remember standing on stage while the speaker was doing the altar call and just repeating "Holy Spirit, move in this room. HOLY SPIRIT, FLOOD THIS ROOM!" I'm thankful for the coach that came up to help pray with me even though I still have no idea who it was and I'm even MORE THANKFUL that GOD moved people that day! Honestly, I couldn't stop worshiping and I couldn't stop smiling. My cheeks hurt that night 'cause I was SO joyful!

Day two of worshiping was definitely hard on me for my body and my spirit were both low. I was tired and exhausted from the previous days' lack of sleep and I doubted how I, JUSTIN LAM, could match the previous night's experience. IT'S NOT ABOUT ME. The first session was definitely sloppy and there was division in our worship team. I just couldn't focus nor concentrate on GOD and I just couldn't see Him. Then came the night. In between, many things were worked out and, although I was still a bit tired, things came through. GOD provides and HE'S THE ONE WORKING. The last worship was powerful and inspiring. I felt called to tell everyone how GOD was breaking my heart for the hurt and the fatherless. This is my call! My heart broke when I was speaking and I really don't care if people see me as weak, but it was GOD breaking my heart for these people. It was such a glorious sight when I saw people weeping in the audience when GOD broke their hearts too. I really pray that GOD's love will show through them and that they WILL take this calling. I've never EVER seen a TC where GOD broke a whole congregation and put them on their knees. WHAT A GLORIOUS SIGHT!

I've learnt that, if you put GOD first, He will surely work when you ask Him to move and to use you. GOD, I'm still a child, I don't know how to talk and my lips are unclean. GOD, use me and change me as you see fit. GOD, I will pray for eternity and I will worship forevermore. Prayer was extremely important in this battle for souls and the word was even more important. GOD showed SO much love during this TC and I know that He will show even more 'cause GOD IS LOVE! GOD works in His own ways and we just need to learn to LET GO. GOD, I love you and I know you love those out there that haven't even considered your existence. I will go, LORD. FATHER, MOVE ME.