MY Sandcastle.

I was lying in bed awake last night just thinking of my walk with GOD. There's one thing that I realized and it's that I haven't completely given up on MY sandcastle. Here's the story.

I built my sandcastle on the beach, pretty smartly I must say. It's not that far from the sea but I still get a nice breeze in. My sandcastle isn't that beautiful and it serves me well. I know that it's not the best I can have, but the world tells me that it's okay to be content with what you have. These are the morals I've been taught, you see. Thing is, once in a while, my walls would break and this water would flood the moats and sometimes wash a bit away of my sandcastle. I can't prevent it 'cause the moon controls the tide and brings it in. Every single time the water strikes, I have to rebuild and every single I rebuild, the walls get weaker and weaker and weaker...

I look up the hill a bit and I see this wonderful sandcastle! It's beautiful, perfect and the dream of any boy in the world. One day, the maker of the sandcastle invites me to join him and be a part of his sandcastle. Like forts, sandcastles are pretty important things and the bigger your team, the better the sandcastle. The only catch to this is that I have to give up my sandcastle and leave it alone. I have to give it up eventually but whether or not I want to destroy and leave it all behind is the only option. Even though my sandcastle wasn't the worst sandcastle ever and it looked better than everyone else's, I chose to give it up for so much more in the sandcastle up the hill. This sandcastle is permanent and built on rock. It doesn't wash away. Thing is, I still look out onto the beach where my sandcastle used to be and I reminisce about the old times and, once in a while, I would go back just to sit where the foundation used to lie...

Now, in this short story, my sandcastle is my life, the sandcastle above is the life I have in Christ and the water is the life this world has to offer. I've given my life to GOD but I know that there's still a bit of ME in the relationship and the equation. I'm having difficulties letting go of what I want and doing what HE wants.

Father, I pray that may your will be done but I'm struggling to really do your will and to listen to your voice so that I may act on it. I think I know what I want but I really don't. You want the best for me and in your strength, power and love you would never lead me down the wrong path. It's so hard to do what you want sometimes and I struggle so much to the point where I fail. I'm like a dog, repeating wrongdoings over and over again. That's just not how my life was meant to be in you. To fully give my all and to not look back at the things of this world because I'm running and sprinting towards you, Father, is what I should be living for. LORD, help me and move for I'm not going anywhere. I don't want this open/shut door relationship anymore. I want you to tell me directly and Father, I will listen. MAKE me listen no matter how painful that may be and MAKE me do your will. Not mine but YOURS. Surely the hands that held Jesus' hands on the cross could hold my hands to your will, to do YOUR will. Father, help me.

Easter!

"He is not here; He has risen, just as He said. Come and see the place where He lay."
-Matthew 28:6

Easter just comes and goes, doesn't it? It's one amazing four day weekend filled with celebrations as many choose to get baptised and proclaim their faith to the world! It's honestly so beautiful and such a joyous time of year!

But the beauty of it all lies in the SELF resurrection of Jesus Christ our LORD. He's the reason why we have this weekend and He's the reason why we celebrate! In Matthew, a few of Jesus' friends (Mary x2 and Martha) decide to go and visit His tomb to mourn and to maybe clean up a bit. When they arrive, they find an empty grave and AN ANGEL! Obviously, they are shocked and even more so when the angel talks to them. Matthew 28:6 is what the angel tells them after the initial shock.

It's very important that Jesus predicted His own death AND His own resurrection. Before His death, He raised His friend Lazarus from the dead along with a couple others. Being alive and raising others from the dead is a pretty amazing feat that no one else has managed to accomplish within the last 2000 years. BUT an even more amazing miracle is raising yourself from the dead, something only GOD could possibly accomplish. I was thinking over the resurrection and its effects on the disciples during service on Sunday. If Jesus had told them that he would come back from the dead, how come they were so shocked and didn't believe Him? Then, I wondered if I would be amongst the people who really wondered if He really was the Son of GOD. He did perform miracles, live a righteous and holy life and was in direct connection with GOD. I think I would truly still have doubts in my head as it's scientifically impossible to come back to life after dying. It's incredulous even after seeing all the miracles and still not be able to get over the fact that He had risen from the dead.

When the angel invites the women to see the place where the LORD lay, he invited them to see where He had conquered death and sin for all eternity! Just as the angel invited the women to see and accept this gift, GOD invites us daily to eat of His bread and to spend time with Him! Where death was conquered, sin was vanquished and overcome! Praise the LORD and come to see the place where the LORD LAY!

Amen.

Good Friday Reflection

As Good Friday draws nearer and nearer, I'm trying to constantly remind myself of the sacrifice our LORD Jesus made. I mean, I tried lent and all, but I'm a failure at that and though it's brought me closer to GOD in that I have more time to praise/worship/devo, it's the things that come up that constantly remind me how much pain and suffering He went through out of love. It most definitely was not an easy path to the cross and I feel the pain whenever I think of it.

One thing that struck me was that Jesus triumphantly rode into Jerusalem on a donkey and a week later He was condemned as a criminal and forced to walk to His death as one. It took less than a week for the Jews to change their minds and how long does it take us to make that one decision to say no to prayer or not to devos? Or how often do we ignore GOD's pleas with us to turn around and refocus on Him when we lose our focus? That's what contributed to the stripes He bore and the lashes He took on His body. The walk was not easy and the taunting was not easy, He was hated, despised and spat upon.

Often I ask myself HOW COULD THESE JEWS CRUCIFY SOMEONE WHO SHOWED SIGNS AND MIRACLES AND WAS SO OBVIOUSLY THE MESSIAH? Like as Jesus said in the Bible, I see the splinter in their eyes and not the log in my eye. Whenever I get angry, whenever I talk without thinking, whenever I put someone down, whenever I take glory for myself or whenever I think of thoughts that don't glorify the LORD, I condemn Him OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I WHIP HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN. But Father, I know you love me and I know you love me so much! I can never repay you for your sacrifice! As Good Friday nears, I have one of my favourite verses to share.

⁴ Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
⁶ We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

It's because of His death that we now live.

Your Word

"Is not my word like fire," declares the LORD, "and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?"

-Jeremiah 23:29

I've walked away for a couple of days and I really haven't had my fill of GOD's word and I've abandoned it in search of what I want and something else to fill me up. I'm sorry, GOD. I'm sorry I'm such a failure and I thank you for convicting me and telling me that I'm wrong. I need you so much, Father and I can't live a day without you. It's just not possible. You just love me so much and life is so empty and meaningless without you. Even though the sun could be smiling and the shining, the earth is not bright at all and days just pass by meaninglessly.

Your word resounds within me and moves me. It's like a FIRE as Jeremiah the prophet says and it just smashes my heart into pieces. It just tells me to break free from what the world has to offer. It just destroys all competition and it burns and resonates its message within me. GOD you are holy and great and mighty! The moon and the stars declare who you are, O Father! If my heart isn't broken into pieces, you can't use it. It's just that simple. I have to be broken and not to want what I want but you want you and you alone. No one else can fill me up like you do, there's no friendship that can fill me up nor any of the entertainment the world has to offer.

As I sit here with tears in my eyes in desperation, Father you just lift me up and Father I just want to praise you for Father I know you have saved me and you have already forgiven me! This fire that burns is the want for you, that want for discovery of you! GOD, you just keep on molding me and purifying me to make me a better version; to make me more like Christ. I thank you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.