Who am I?

I am human

...that you care for me

I am a failure

...that you make me new

I am unwise

...that you enlighten me

I am so minute

...that you reach out and touch me

I am a sinner

...that you sent your Son to die for me

I am tired

...that you lift me up

I am of a sinful nature

...that you have shown me the light

I am powerless

...that you give me strength

I am incapable of loving first

...that you showed me unconditional love

I am Justin Lam

...that you love me so much

Tired.

Father, I'm tired. I'm just so exhausted and tired. My eyes are sore, my limbs feel like they're made of lead and I still have so much to do! Tomorrow is going to be the last time that my mother is going to drive me to school. EVER. My "to do list" seems like it keeps on growing and replenishing items. I have to sign up for this, apply for that, practise for this, go to that...

GOD, I just don't know where I'm going to find the time and energy to do this all AND STILL keep on living a radical life. I go to pray and I'm struggling to pray with power 'cause I'm so tired. It's getting kinda dry here and my relationship with you is just fine. I do so love you with all my heart, I talk to you but I'm just really tired.

BUT you give me strength, you give me wings as eagles! Oh Father, how I praise you! You revive my spirit, you revive my soul! My heart cries out for you, oh GOD! I want to draw near to you, open my eyes, open my ears! Oh GOD, just fill me with you Spirit 'cause I know this is what I thirst for. Father, you are great. Your greatness overflows and everything is derived from you. Just speak and breathe into me.

I Can't Explain This Kind Of LOVE..

Father, I'm so in love right now. I don't know why and I don't know what caused it but I just know I'm SO IN LOVE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW. I'm just gushing and I can't stop thinking of how great you are and I can't stop thinking of how amazing you are. You make things just SO beautiful and everything in your world is beautiful. The heavens declare your glory and your thoughts are that much higher above ours! Nature proclaims your majesty and just leaves me in awe. The sun, that giant ball of fire, was created by you and for us. Oh Father, you're just so beautiful!

I was losing my touch a few days ago but my fire is now ignited and I'm burning passionately, wanting to strive for more. I know there is more, Father. I can't but help live out my life to glorify your name! I want to live for everything you want and love! It's so amazing what prayer can do as just spilling your thoughts out to GOD puts you in such a large safety net that there's nothing left to worry about.

Oh Father, I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. You prepared me to be a prophet among the nations and in doing so will I edify the church. Father, you are good and your love endures forever! I will sing of your praises forever and ever!

Amen.

Faith.

If only faith were as simple as just one 5 lettered word. If only faith didn't require me to trust with all my heart that everything's going to be alright. If only faith meant that I knew what was going on.

...then it wouldn't be faith.

As I'm sitting here blogging right now, I have a bio test to study for but that can wait. I have tyndale open on a tab and a scott mission job application open in another. I haven't gotten any university acceptances but I have this feeling that GOD just wants me to have some faith and apply for tyndale. When I do profess that I believe in His plans for me and to take this step of faith and openly declare that I am ready for service, only then will He give me other acceptances.

"Those who honour me I will honour, but those who despise me will be disdained" - 1 Samuel 2:30

I kinda feel like Abraham standing with a knife above Isaac, about to offer his only son because GOD said so. Just as he's about to stab, GOD tells Him to stop and provides with a ram. It's totally unbiblical but I just have a feeling that once I put GOD first, He'll give me what I've wanted for so long. BUT it's not what I will but what GOD wills.

As for a summer job, I know that it's partial punishment for my failure to give the first fruits of my crop to GOD. I don't remember who I was talking to, but they reminded me that the first fruits should ALWAYS go to GOD and not to my family or myself. For my first job, I failed miserably. I know I've been forgiven, but I still have to accept the punishment. I do pray for a job and one that is meaningful, something that I can help others with. I know working with scott mission (provided that it's GOD's will that they hire me) will take away from my time with friends and softball practices, but I do know that GOD can definitely use me there. I've applied for a couple of jobs already and in my desperation, I've forgotten to ask GOD what He wants.

It's not what I want, but what HE wants. It's not my will be done, but HIS. I don't know where I'm going, but I know you have plans to prosper me and not to harm me. I just need a little...

,,,FAITH.