Reading from Genesis, there are two very good examples of what not to do right off the bat. The first example comes from Genesis 2, 3 (Adam and Eve) and Genesis 16 (Abram and Sarai ...and wait for it, Hagar).
Let's go through the first example of what not to do with Adam and Eve first.
[Just a bit of background before we begin. Genesis is an extremely chronologically ordered book. There are sections of it that are pure lineage trees (ex: Genesis 10) and so the order of events shown are believed to be chronologically in order.]
In Genesis 2, GOD creates everything and then He creates man in the garden of Eden. He gives Adam a very specific set of instructions regarding what he can eat and what He cannot eat. It says:
"And the LORD GOD commanded the man, saying, "You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in that day that you eat of it you shall surely die." -Genesis 2:16, 17
Shortly after GOD gives this command to Adam, He notices that Adam's in need of a helper and then creates Eve out of Adam. I'm not going to expand on this but notice that Adam NEEDED help, and in the same way, MAN NEEDS WOMAN. Also, she was created to HELP the man but the man is still needed. I know that in our society, this seems very much sexist but it's just Biblical and I believe that there should be no apology for Biblical principles. Using a head/neck analogy, the man is the head and the woman is the neck. In this, the head cannot function without the neck and the neck cannot function without the head. Though they don't have the same function, they both have a very important purpose.
Let's talk about the fall of man. Essentially, the serpent gets Eve to eat of the fruit and she then passes the fruit onto Adam who also eats of it (simplified, I know!). The point I want to bring out is that GOD tells Adam not to eat of the fruit BUT EVE WASN'T CREATED YET. There are so many times that, as a guy, I'm like "Man, Eve royally screwed us all over 'cause she fell and then got Adam to sin too" but that's wrong. Yes, Eve did screw up but as to why the serpent was able to deceive her and to play around with the technicalities of "Did GOD actually say YOU shall not eat of any tree in the garden?" and "You shall not surely die. For GOD knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened..." (Genesis 3: 1, 4) because, I believe, Adam wasn't clear with his words when telling Eve that she shouldn't have eaten of the fruit. If he had been specific in relaying GOD's instructions to him, she wouldn't have been tempted as easily and also would've been stronger in her defense towards the serpent.
So what do I take away from this as a guy? As the (hopefully future) boyfriend and head of a family, I have a very important job to be straightforward towards my significant other and also very transparent on my theology and beliefs so I can relay what I learn towards her. It also means I have to guard her heart and to not allow her to sin whenever I can. If she is shaky in her faith and/or her theology, I need to make sure that I'm there to correct and rebuke in love. That was Adam's job and that's where he failed.
Now onto the second point about Abram and Sarai. Very clearly, one of the obvious lessons in this is to not divulge in polygamy for it causes much trouble and strife. As I was listening to an interview yesterday, polygamy was acceptable in the Bible but it always resulted in a lot of difficulty for the family as a whole. Therefore, whenever some states that the Bible allows polygamy, this is a counterargument as polygamy was socially acceptable but the Bible illustrates the fact that polygamy does not end well.
So the background for this is simple. Abram and Sarai were promised children by GOD but they had begun to reach an old age and still had not given birth to any children. Sarai then devises a plan to "solve" this problem by telling Abram to sleep with her maidservant, Hagar.
"And Sarai said to Abram, "Behold now, the LORD has prevented me from having children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her. And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram's wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife." -Genesis 16:2, 3
First of all, WHAT. How do you possibly let your husband sleep with another woman to give YOU a child? That can't even begin to make sense but that's not the point. The point is that Abram was weak spined and gave in to his wife. He didn't hold his position on this very black and white matter and, instead, became very grey on it. I'm convinced that Abram knew that it wasn't the right thing to do as he had a very close walk with GOD. Even though his wife failed first and didn't have her faith in GOD set right, he still gave in and, as the man, should've just said "no". As a man, the responsibility to correct and to be the strong one who's black and white on all matters lies in me. Even though my significant other may want to sin or propose something sinful, it is up to me to say "no" and reject that notion. I have to be black and white and have anything that I'm remotely shaky on or reply with "but..." statements.
There's still a lot I have to learn about being a man in a relationship as this is all new to me but I do believe that GOD is teaching me and growing me in His likeness more and more each day.
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Father,
I give thanks that you provided these examples, these great men for me in the Bible. You show me that great men fail also! I know it's okay for me to fail as long as I learn. GOD, would you continue teaching me these things so that I can eventually learn to be a husband one day. Help me to learn to guard her heart. ...especially from me. Again, I thank you for these truths and I pray that you continue working in me.
In Jesus Christ's most Holy and precious name,
Amen.
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